I would love to write about all things FUN and cool like The 5 things we do with our toddler everyday, but let’s just admit it.
Parenting isn’t always FUN.
I’m trying to be the best mom I can be and at times I feel like I’m failing miserably. The days of “this is easy and I know what I’m doing” are gone and I’m left with self doubt. What the heck did I get myself into? I haven’t got the slightest idea how to raise a bratty toddler whose life mission seems to be to fight me in EVERYTHING!!
I’ve pretty much always wanted to be a mom. When our daughter was born it was a dream come true to me. Even through the childbirth and the hardship of breastfeeding I utterly enjoyed every moment of it. I loved our daughter with all my existence. It was what I had always wanted.
And I excelled at it. People kept telling me how I looked so natural with a newborn, and how I was doing such a great job and she was such a happy and content baby.
I felt all that too! I was doing great and I loved it. We had so much fun.
I must say that the first few months I lived with my parents since I came home to Finland to give birth, since I didn’t feel comfortable giving birth in China. I had my mom there to help me with all the daily chores. She cooked and cleaned and took care of everything but the dirty diaper laundry, which I was so proud of doing myself.
Even after that and after returning to China, the baby and parenting itself was a piece of cake. It was wonderful. I had and easy happy baby who loved to go anywhere with me. The first year was a bliss. I got to stay home with her and concentrate on her and her only.
Her second year is when the challenges begun. She started to be more mobile, which meant a lot more work and running after her. I also started working. At first I only worked part time and got to still spend quite a bit of time with her, but when Hailey was about 16 months, I returned to work full time.
I can see now that that’s when it all started to crackle.
I wasn’t that fun happy mom anymore.
I was tired and sometimes stressed out. I had a far shorter temper. I didn’t have enough time for her and that was all she was longing for. My time and attention.
When I came home from work it was time to figure out what to feed us.
If I wanted to make it easy I would order something. But that meant that I spent some time on the phone trying to figure out what to order and what were these dishes etc. Hailey wasn’t a fan of me giving all my attention to the phone. I had just come home. She wanted mommy to pay attention to her.
If I had to do the dishes or something else that just had to be done, she liked that even less. She became clingy and whiny. And then she started throwing things or pouring her drink on the floor, just to get my attention. And she did! But mostly it was just me yelling at her and I HATED myself for that.
Since I started working parenting wasn’t fun anymore. I had a child who started challenging me in a growing degree.
Now she is two and boy she is trying me. And through all that trying and challenging and pulling hair and scratching my face I just try to love her even more. But I’m only a human and my patience grows thin.
Saturdays and Sundays are a little better. I stay with her all day and I have more time for her. I don’t bring work home unless I absolutely have to and I have put away my computer and paid less attention to the blog and social media, which has helped. A little bit anyways
I want to believe this is just the age she is in. I know she is a sweet little girl who loves mommy and daddy and who wants to help and wants to be part of everything. She is going through some growing pains and I guess I am too. I’m growing as a parent as she is growing as a little person. We are both strong willed and we will be butting heads for years to come.
Now my next challenge for myself is to try to find the FUN in also the part that is not so FUN.
PLEASE! I would love to hear your experiences and tips on how to get through this. I’m a rookie parent calling out for those with more experience!